Articles on Executive Coaching, Leadership Development & EQ

Why You Can't (Yet) Change Your Life

September 18, 2018 (Number 76)

A mid-career executive came to me recently, wanting to explore the possibility of coaching. She said she was doing "fine," but complained of feeling not as energized in her work as she used to be. Plus, she said, she was feeling increasingly discontent and resentful in her marriage. Read more >

Is It Time, Finally, to Quit Your Job?

June 27, 2018 (Number 75)

I spoke to a middle-aged manager the other day who seemed discontent in his job. Feeling concerned but hopeful, I asked with a hint of optimism, "What do you want to do to improve the situation?" He responded rather flatly, "Well, it's not that bad if I don't think about it too often."... Read more >

Are You Effective with Your Narcissistic Colleagues?

March 14, 2018 (Number 74)

People sometimes complain to me of coworkers they view as puffed-up and egotistical. "He's SO full of himself," they may grouse. Or, "She sucks all the air out of the room."... Read more >

The Most Effective Leaders Are the Most Caring

December 6, 2017 (Number 73)

I recently spoke with an executive who was very much "down to business." He didn't seem particularly personable. In fact, when I naturally smiled at him upon our initial meeting, he looked back at me blankly with the slightest tinge of impatience. So I wasn't surprised when he later complained... Read more >

Never Be Blindsided Again

September 26, 2017 (Number 72)

In the world of organizations, I frequently hear of people indulging in subtly aggressive conduct that leaves colleagues feeling both harmed and aggrieved. Typically, the “victim” never sees it coming – and by the time he realizes he’s been blindsided, it’s too late. Read more >

The Art of Workplace Politics

March 14, 2017 (Number 71)

People sometimes complain to me about former peers who have catapulted right past them up their organization's leadership ladder. "It's politics," they grouse. But when I inquire how they might enjoy similar success, they insist, "I don't want to be political!"... Read more >

Are the Wheels Beginning to Come Off Your Cart?

December 6, 2016 (Number 70)

A young executive I once coached typically hurled himself into his work with fearsome velocity. His approach often seemed to be, "Let's just make it happen now!" – and he was indeed at times quite successful. But his more seasoned CEO was worried. Read more >

Defeat Back (and Neck) Pain

September 21, 2016 (Number 69)

If you have pain in your back or neck, you may have noticed that seeing doctors, chiropractors or physical therapists often doesn't resolve the issue. So have you ever considered what role stress may be playing? Read more >

The Secret Desires of Those Who Oppress You

June 7, 2016 (Number 68)

Is someone at work, or in any other part of your life, mistreating you? You probably already know that it’s essential for your self-respect – as well as for how others perceive your value – that you never accept any ill treatment. Read more >

The End of Your Civil War

February 9, 2016 (Number 67)

Recently, an executive revealed a bit of her desperation to me. “I can’t keep doing this job,” she exclaimed. “It’s killing me!” Then she changed the subject and nonchalantly proceeded to talk about her upcoming work activities. Read more >

Stop Blaming People for Their Personalities

November 3, 2015 (Number 66)

Just the other day, I was having yet another conversation with a client exasperated with several of her coworkers. One colleague of hers in particular had the unpleasant habit of ridiculing her input in forums with many other executives present. Read more >

The Rolling Steel Door Personality

September 9, 2015 (Number 65)

I once had a memorable meeting with an executive that felt a little disheartening. When he entered the room, I noticed his genuine warmth and immediately liked him. But when he sat down at the table with me,... Read more >

Might You Be Scaring People?

July 7, 2015 (Number 64)

An executive I spoke with some time ago complained to me that his subordinates were "avoiding" him. "Why do people avoid me?," he demanded, adding a little volume to ensure I was getting his message. Read more >

Crimes Against (Your Own) Humanity

April 7, 2015 (Number 63)

Senior leaders are often naively viewed as happily in control of their worlds. But many such executives actually feel quite oppressed — as they typically realize with ever-increasing clarity once we start working together. Read more >

Saying the Right Thing is Killing You

February 10, 2015 (Number 62)

A human resources VP at a large technology company recently asked me about my executive coaching services. To ensure I'd be "a good fit" for his organization, and perhaps concerned about my being a psychologist, he sternly warned, "We're not at all touchy-feely here."... Read more >

Your Comfortable Ignorance Is Debilitating You

December 3, 2014 (Number 61)

I once observed a highly polished executive who seemed, in the moment, to have murderous impulses. As his mildly passive-aggressive peer opposed him, I had a strong visceral sense that he was about to leap out of his chair and strangle this man across from him. Read more >

No More Mr. Nice Guy

(Number 60; September 23, 2014)

I once had a client who carried the somewhat unfortunate, but well-deserved reputation of being a "nice guy." So whenever his coworkers would cross his boundaries, he'd typically find it within himself to respond in a pleasant and accommodating manner. Read more >

Your Father is Talking to You

August 12, 2014 (Number 59)

While observing an executive with his team recently, I noticed that he spoke in ways that were generating a lot of fear, self-doubt and, most likely, resentment. "Why is this taking so long?," he'd erupt. "Just get it done."... Read more >

The Myth of the Uncoachable Leader

June 24, 2014 (Number 58)

A coach I was advising recently complained to me that one of his clients was "clearly uncoachable." "Why do you say that?," I asked. "Because," he said with obvious annoyance in his voice, "he's highly resistant to changing."... Read more >

The Solution for Your Slightly Dysfunctional Team

May 28, 2014 (Number 57)

I recently spoke with a member of a struggling team and she offered me her view of the problem. "Most of my peers on the team are either incompetent or marginally competent," she suggested in a semi-helpful tone. Read more >

Five Reasons You're Not Getting Promoted (or Hired)

April 30, 2014 (Number 56)

Having coached hundreds of senior leaders over the years, I've noticed that many of them are quite unclear why they're not being further promoted — or getting other career opportunities. Typically, they are never told the real reasons. Read more >

Stand Up To Your Boss — Or You Both Lose (Part 2)

March 18, 2014 (Number 55)

I've been concerned hearing many stories from clients lately about their bosses' treatment of them. Although these clients are high performers, their bosses' incessant demands often cross the line and become oppressive and even demeaning. Read more >

Does Someone at Work Torment You?

February 12, 2014 (Number 54)

Do you feel a bit vexed, or even intimidated, by the conduct of your boss or somebody else in your workplace? That's not unusual. Read more >

The Lies You Tell Yourself

January 14, 2014 (Number 53)

As a psychologist and executive coach, I've noticed that people often say things to themselves they want to be true, but which seem to me almost certainly not true. This self-deception frequently involves one's own feelings. Read more >

Dare to Be Curious

December 4, 2013 (Number 52)

At a time when I was younger and a bit more reactive, I felt an acquaintance was ignoring my calls about an urgent matter. "She's pretty self-absorbed," I concluded with more than a little annoyance. Read more >

Being Vulnerable Makes You More Powerful

November 13, 2013 (Number 51)

Many years ago, I used to think that showing vulnerability was a very bad idea. A friend of mine back then once kindly volunteered, "But Dean, if you're vulnerable, it will actually make you more powerful. Read more >

How Well Are You Adapting?

October 15, 2013 (Number 50)

Not far from where I live, a typewriter shop occupied part of a slightly dilapidated building up until recently. Whenever I'd walk by, I'd peek in, amazed the business was still there. At least for the past 20 years, it never seemed particularly busy. It kind of reminded me of the many leaders I've... Read more >

Are You Fooling Yourself About Your Relationships?

September 10, 2013 (Number 49)

As a psychologist and executive coach, I've observed how vital relationships are for leaders' success. Therefore, early in each engagement, I ask my clients about the quality of their connections... Read more >

Why People Treat You Differently

August 13, 2013 (Number 48)

A client complained to me recently about his attempts to collaborate with a colleague. "It's clear he won't lift a finger for me," he grumbled. Read more >

Throw Everything into the Fire

July 16, 2013 (Number 47)

I took on a task these past two months I'd been avoiding for years. The delay was despite many notes I'd written to myself urging me to finally move forward. Read more >

Why Aren't People More Open to You?

June 12, 2013 (Number 46)

I've come across a number of angry geniuses and exasperated visionaries in my work over the years. Their brilliance was generating a torrent of creativity, innovation and foresight that demanded expression. Read more >

How Real, in the Eyes of Others, Are You?

May 14, 2013 (Number 45)

A seasoned executive testily complained to me recently about a couple of members of her staff. "They give me polite answers instead of telling me what they really feel. Read more >

When the Dalai Lama Got Angry

April 17, 2013 (Number 44)

It's hard to imagine the ever-patient, ever-kindly Dalai Lama, the exiled spiritual leader of Tibet, in a fit of anger. Yet, in his earlier years, the Nobel Peace Prize winner struggled with bouts of temper. Read more >

Heal ANY Relationship

March 12, 2013 (Number 43)

In my book, I tell the story of a rather competitive colleague of mine who, many years ago, laughingly belittled my work at a client reception, in front of a number of international guests. As you can imagine, I was not happy about her conduct. Read more >

Be a Force that Enlivens Others

February 13, 2013 (Number 42)

I attended a talk recently where the speaker was so flat and deenergizing that people were discretely getting up and exiting out the back door. For my part, no amount of caffeine could seem to keep me reasonably awake. Read more >

Change Others' Bodily States, Change the World

January 15, 2013 (Number 41)

Do you want to powerfully influence others? If so, let me show you the most direct channel for achieving that. Read more >

The Selfish Case for Kindness

December 5, 2012 (Number 40)

At a recent holiday party, I met a fellow tenant in my office building. During our brief conversation, she revealed that she suffered from distressing and unremitting back pain. Read more >

Stop Being Fooled by the Surface

November 14, 2012 (Number 39)

Have you ever felt a bit intimidated by someone's forcefulness? Or felt inadequate when in the company of a colleague's seemingly utter confidence? Read more >

The Tragedy of All Your Unnecessary Efforts

October 16, 2012 (Number 38)

I consulted to a CEO several years ago who made no secret of his ambitions. "I don't want this company to be a $100 million enterprise tomorrow, Dean," he said as he leaned across the table toward me, his neck muscles visibly bulging. Read more >

Speak Your Truth or Live a Life Divided

September 12, 2012 (Number 37)

I attended a social event recently where the hostess somewhat harshly rebuked me for momentarily speaking with a server. "You're impairing the help's efficiency," she testily complained. Read more >

Be Astonishing with Your Predictive Accuracy

August 15, 2012 (Number 36)

As a psychologist and consultant, it's my job to identify what is really going on within a person or a team — and even to foretell what will happen in the future. After I've spoken, it's not uncommon for people to ask me minutes or perhaps months later, with a twinge of disbelief, "How did you... Read more >

Your Addiction to False Power

July 17, 2012 (Number 35)

Those of you who read my book may remember the story of the CEO I visited whose office displayed a giant photo of a boxing match. Muhammad Ali was glaring, his biceps glistening with sweat, while he stood over Sonny Liston, whom he had just knocked out. Read more >

Learn the Truth That Others Won't Tell You

June 14, 2012 (Number 34)

I've observed that many executives' careers, and even their marriages, are not going quite as well as they'd like — and they really don't understand why. Most often, it's because their colleagues, or their spouses, are far more unhappy with them than they realize. Read more >

What's Wrong About Being Right

May 15, 2012 (Number 33)

Driving up Highway 101 toward San Francisco the other day, I found myself yet again indulging in one of my favorite internal monologues. It starts with, "If only everyone drove like me. Read more >

The Grave of Your Self-Doubt

April 17, 2012 (Number 32)

"I don't have a problem with self-confidence," the CEO declared as he leaned back in his oversized leather chair, folded his arms across his chest and turned his head to look at me. He seemed slightly annoyed that I'd even raised the topic. Read more >

Interrupt or Suffer Helplessly

March 14, 2012 (Number 31)

You may have noticed that in the most powerful conversations, you don't need to wade through a sea of words in order to understand what the other person is saying. Yet, have you also noticed that such discussions are rare — and that your colleagues at work often go into tiresome details and... Read more >

Do People Feel Threatened by You?

February 15, 2012 (Number 30)

I recently consulted to a leader in India who was rather ambitious. In our first meeting, he informed me of several of his prodigious achievements, including having grown his division by double digits, year over year, for the past five years. Read more >

You Can't Change Without Self-Compassion

January 11, 2012 (Number 29)

As a psychologist who makes his living by facilitating significant change in leaders, I've become very curious about what triggers transformation — and what blocks it. I've found that a necessary ingredient for meaningful change is in-depth self-awareness. Read more >

Give – and Be More Powerful

December 8, 2011 (Number 28)

I recently worked with a CEO who was not particularly happy about several members of his staff. (As always, I obtained permission to share his story here and altered some facts to safeguard my client's identity. Read more >

Your Judgments Are Debilitating You

November 16, 2011 (Number 27)

In my work with business leaders, I often hear them pronounce judgments about their colleagues. They may say, for example, "He's incompetent," "She has no integrity" or, "I just don't respect him. Read more >

What Do You Stand For?

October 12, 2011 (Number 26)

If you read my book, you may remember the story where I observed a senior executive being asked, "What are your values as a leader?" He fumbled with some words, looked at his shoes and finally replied, "I haven't yet fully thought that through. Read more >

Why Your Greatest Success Eludes You

September 14, 2011 (Number 25)

Nearly all the leaders we take through our Power Optimization program are already highly successful. Yet, as we get to know them, we find that many are not getting the full measure of success they desire. Read more >

Has Fear Seized Hold of You?

August 10, 2011 (Number 24)

If you are like many of the senior leaders I've spoken to recently, feelings of fear may have been increasingly disturbing you. Watching powerlessly as the global economy teeters and sizable chunks of stock market value — and of your retirement savings — disappear, it is natural you would feel... Read more >

Be Presidential In Your Presence

July 13, 2011 (Number 23)

I recently worked with a brilliant, younger executive who was quite animated in his voice and mannerisms. It seemed he had a bit more energy than he knew what to do with. Read more >

You Are Being Tested

June 15, 2011 (Number 22)

"I've got this kind of unusual thing about my personality," a CEO recently confided in me. "Half the time I talk to people, I'm just testing them. Read more >

Why Won't People Change?

May 18, 2011 (Number 21)

One aspect of CEOs' behavior frequently astonishes me. When trying to shift the conduct of various leaders and employees, these normally astute executives can resort to approaches that are quite simplistic. Read more >

How Much, Really, Do People Trust You?

April 14, 2011 (Number 20)

A senior leader was speaking with me recently about one of his colleagues. "You know, Dean," he said, "I just don't trust her. Read more >

What If You Met People’s Deepest Needs?

March 15, 2011 (Number 19)

Have you ever noticed how hard your colleagues work just to be recognized? Think of how much effort they expend to achieve a particular status, or perhaps to acquire a certain possession that announces, "I'm a success. Read more >

Do You See in Others What’s Really in You?

February 17, 2011 (Number 18)

I once worked with an executive who bitterly resented a group of her colleagues. "They're full of themselves and just focused on expanding their own kingdoms," she complained to me. Read more >

Does Work Seem Like a Dysfunctional Family?

January 13, 2011 (Number 17)

Have you ever been part of a team at work that felt a bit like a dysfunctional family? Perhaps the team members were squabbling like jealous siblings. Read more >

Could Compassion Make You More Powerful?

December 9, 2010 (Number 16)

I once worked with a senior leader who was perpetually angry. The problem was that when people failed to meet their exact commitments to him, he'd "write them off" bitterly. Read more >

Grasp This and Change Your Life

November 16, 2010 (Number 15)

Have you noticed you have a particular complaint about people that you're fond of reciting? Perhaps it's, "People are so incompetent. Read more >

Might You Be Trying Too Hard?

October 13, 2010 (Number 14)

In my work with executives, I've found many of them to be hounded by irrational, lifelong doubts about their own value. On the surface, these leaders may appear very confident. Read more >

Why Won’t You Stop Giving Away Your Power?

September 15, 2010 (Number 13)

Do you sometimes complain that you're "just" having a bad day? Or you're "just" not feeling confident — or that somebody has "made" you angry? Read more >

Do You Get What People Are Trying to Tell You?

August 17, 2010 (Number 12)

Are you aware that people are frequently sending you signals that contain crucial information for you? Often, it's intended you'll use these subtle messages to improve your relationship with the sender. Read more >

Ensure Aggressive "Alphas" Respect You

July 22, 2010 (Number 11)

"There are a lot of sharks in the tank," one senior executive recently confided to me. He was speaking of his peers, many of whom are forceful and driven, with a marked tendency towards intimidating others. Read more >

Do You Let People Inaccurately See You?

June 15, 2010 (Number 10)

Have you ever been disappointed by people's reactions to you? Do you think it might have anything to do with how they see you? Read more >

Want More Presence?

May 18, 2010 (Number 9)

I had a conversation the other day with a business leader that made a deep impression on me. By the steadiness of his gaze, by his warm and calm vocal tone and by the palpable sense of energy he was emitting, I could tell that nothing was distracting him from complete immersion in our interaction. Read more >

Talk About (Almost) ANYTHING

April 15, 2010 (Number 8)

Executives often tell me nagging concerns they have about their colleagues. They'll complain, for example, "He always seems to be competing with me. Read more >

Is Your Busy-Ness Slowly Killing You?

March 16, 2010 (Number 7)

Executives often tell me how busy they are. At such times, I get curious. Read more >

Does Anyone Silently Resent You?

February 17, 2010 (Number 6)

In my work within organizations, I often discover many resentments that people quietly hold towards colleagues. Is it possible that anyone harbors such peeves towards you? Read more >

How Confident, Really, Are You?

January 14, 2010 (Number 5)

In my work with highly successful leaders, they often assure me they have no problems with self-confidence. But when we look more deeply, we typically discover irrational feelings of inadequacy that are undermining them from succeeding more fully. Read more >

Articles By Dean Herman, Ph.D.: