Articles

Are You Giving Away Your Power?

November 17, 2009 (Number 3) Nearly all the leaders I've consulted to get irritable, anxious or unsure of themselves at times — even multiple times a day.  If you have these experiences yourself, that's not necessarily a problem.  But have you sometimes let these emotions influence your actions — and then noticed how that undermines you?

If you are simply observing the effect of your emotions, that's helpful.  But when your fears, insecurities or resentments take over and you act on them, do you ever say to yourself, "That's just the way I am"?  Or, "I can't help it"?  Or, "He provoked me"?  When you seek to justify your emotions like this, you're giving away your power.

You can be in charge of your emotions rather than they being in charge of you.  Practice the following tips and, as with any exercise, you will get progressively stronger over time.

• Be aware when fear, anger and self-doubt arise within you.  In fact, whenever you are feeling out of sorts, consider using this roadmap to identify your current state and the positive state into which you can transform it.

• Know that your emotions are not you.  View them like transitory infections.  Observe them pass through, just like you would observe clouds move across the sky.

• Identify the triggers for your emotions.  These are your perceptions — in other words, how you see things.  They include your beliefs and assumptions.  Typically, they're distortions of the actual reality.  So question whether your beliefs are necessarily true.  For example, ask, "Did she really mean to offend me?"

• Notice how your negative feelings are often activated by others' behaviors.  Do you want to let other people drag you into these depleting states?  Consider not giving others that power over you.

You can largely determine your emotions — and how you react to them.  You can discover for yourself, "I am more powerful than my emotions."


Dean Herman