Articles

Could Compassion Make You More Powerful?

December 9, 2010 (Number 16) I once worked with a senior leader who was perpetually angry.  The problem was that when people failed to meet their exact commitments to him, he'd "write them off" bitterly.  "I'm not going to waste my time on people who have no integrity," he'd say.  Needless to say, he was burning through his relationships rather quickly.

I posed this executive a question that surprised him.  "Could compassion," I asked, "make you more powerful?"  I suggested that his resentments were destroying the very relationships he needed to be most successful.  Compassion, I proposed, was the antidote for his anger.

Over the next months, this formerly crusty leader discovered for himself that when he blended his hard-charging style with some kindness and concern for others, he could actually go faster.  It's because people trusted him more on a basic emotional level.  Therefore, they became much more cooperative. 

Might you also, at times, lapse into states of irritation and judgment?  What impact, do you think, does that have on your relationships — and on others' desires to assist you?

Try conducting these experiments in compassion — and then watch what happens:

• Be on the lookout for anger and related judgments creeping into your thinking.  When you find yourself in these states, notice the tightness and contraction in your mind and body.  Is this really where you want to "hang out?"

• Next, instead of indulging your irritation toward someone, get curious instead.  Imagine what her experience may be — and what she may be feeling.  Consider that when people displease us, they're often struggling with some painful difficulties of their own.  Imagine what they may be.  Then notice even the tiniest bits of kindness and concern that may begin to arise within you.

• Finally, take action on your fledgling empathy and compassion.  Even simply asking, with a subtle flavor of kindness, "How are you doing?" can make a world of difference.  See if these little actions don't begin to open you up, relax you and reinvigorate you. 

Keep this guidance in mind: When you are more compassionate, you are more connected — and therefore more powerful. 

Dean Herman