Articles

Crimes Against (Your Own) Humanity

April 7, 2015 (Number 63) Senior leaders are often naively viewed as  happily in control of their worlds.  But many such executives actually feel quite oppressed — as they typically realize with ever-increasing clarity once we start working together.

Further, these leaders usually find that the bulk of their oppression is self-inflicted.

This self-subjugation happens — not just for executives, but for most successful professionals — in at least one of three areas: (1) working way too hard; (2) doing work, or doing it in a way, that doesn't feel right for them; and (3) not expressing how they really see things and feel about them.

Might any of these unhappy circumstances describe aspects of your work?  You may dismiss my question with a shrug or a non-uplifting explanation such as, "That's just the way things are."  But does that helplessness truly serve you?

Consider the issue also from the perspective of your employer.  After all, most organizations are best served by leaders and employees who are happy and empowered, who love what they do and who speak openly and passionately.

Here are several steps for taking back your power:

• First, be ruthless in getting to the truth of what's obstructing you from making the necessary changes in your work life.  If you're honest with yourself, and look behind the "I have to" and "I can't" statements, you'll most likely find the blockage is simply fear.

• Next, systematically examine your fear.  Write down your fearful thoughts and instead of being controlled by them, intensively question them.  Ask, "Is it really true that I have no options here?"

• Finally, to make changes, prepare to communicate to your boss (or Board) what you want and what you intend to do.  To do this effectively, signal both your commitment and your boundaries — all in a way that minimizes the likelihood of emotionally-fueled reactions.  This will require your adept use of metacommunication, an advanced skill explained in my book and introduced in this article.

You may say, "Okay, I'm definitely going to make some changes — later this year."  But in the meantime, you'll continue to be debilitated by a lack of internal integration.  What if, instead, you committed to honoring your needs now?  Try that approach — and then observe the strength and other rewards it provides you.

Dean Herman, Ph.D.