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Do You Know How Others See You?

October 15, 2009 (Number 2) As part of my Power Optimization Program for executives, I interview a number of their colleagues in depth.  When my clients read the resulting 10-page report, complete with many direct quotes, they nearly fall off the chair.  As one client said afterward, "It's like I've been sleeping my whole life and just woke up." 

Do you imagine you might learn something new if your colleagues opened up and said everything they are thinking and feeling about you?  Might some of that information be determining how they are responding to you?

You can take it upon yourself to question your coworkers and customers — and even your spouse or intimate partner — about how they see you.  Beware, though, that the research shows it's actually more difficult for people to give feedback than to receive it.  Most people will respond to your general queries (e.g., "How'd I do in the meeting?") with safe statements such as, "You did great."  Almost certainly, you're deluding yourself if you think that's the full story.

So how do you get the information you need?  Try using these tips and you'll more likely get a boat-load of information:

• Explicitly seek out ideas for your improvement.  Ask, for example, "How could I have been more effective in that meeting?"  Consider adding, "I'm really interested to know."

• Or ask, "Tell me two things I'm doing well and two things I should be doing differently." 

• If you're still getting overly polite responses, ask "If I were the perfect CEO [or whatever your role is], what would I be doing differently?"

You may fear what you'll discover, but don't let that stop you.  If you are willing to push through your fear, you will gain crucial expansions in your self-awareness — and therefore in your power.

Dean Herman