Articles
Does Anyone Silently Resent You?
February 17, 2010 (Number 6) In my work within organizations, I often discover many resentments that people quietly hold towards colleagues. Is it possible that anyone harbors such peeves towards you?"That's their problem," you may say with some annoyance. But could it be your problem, too?
I've found that when people feel resentment, most of them have a powerful need to express it. And typically, that expression is hidden and toxic. So if you have colleagues unhappy with you, they may silently resist you. And then you may be left wondering, "Why can't I move things more quickly?"
At other times, those upset with you will be your negative PR agency, quietly working to create a widespread and rather unattractive perception of you. And sometimes, they will abruptly and overtly attack you when you least expect it — they will "blindside" you.
A domineering executive once told me, "People should speak up if they have a problem with me." But as I asked him, does that approach likely enhance your power — or deplete it? Consider, instead, using these strategies:
- Ask yourself, "Who might be upset with me?" Good candidates are those towards whom you feel any irritation, frustration or resentment. Typically, these feelings are mutual. It's a law of human nature.
- Also ask yourself, "Which of my colleagues do I not respect very much — or value?" Most likely, they are detecting your judgments of them. And that naturally irks them.
- Take it upon yourself to improve these relationships. Nearly always, people's anger and resentment are due to feeling not respected and not valued. So make it your job to protect and enhance the self-worth of every one of your coworkers.
When you ensure that others feel good about themselves in their interactions with you, they will appreciate you — rather than resent you. And that will enhance your power.
Dean Herman
