Articles

Ensure Aggressive "Alphas" Respect You

July 22, 2010 (Number 11) "There are a lot of sharks in the tank," one senior executive recently confided to me.  He was speaking of his peers, many of whom are forceful and driven, with a marked tendency towards intimidating others.  Have you been running into such people lately — or, more accurately, have they been running into you?

"I want to be the alpha in the room and I want to see someone try to take it away from me," a CEO once declared to me.  Typically, he'd aggressively challenge his staff's thinking — and was annoyed that one of his new VP's was often capitulating.

"He lets me move him one way and then the other.  How can I trust him?," the CEO complained.  Once I helped this VP understand his boss's personality so that he could push back effectively, the CEO was much relieved.  The relationship then improved dramatically.

Are you holding your power with your alpha colleagues?  Instead of protesting, "I can't deal with people like that," consider using these insights and approaches:

• Alphas instinctually "size up" others instantly.  They want to know if you're an equal match for them.  It's crucial, therefore, that you "show up" as unintimidated, believing you are nothing less than a full peer regardless of each other's formal titles.

• Alphas will frequently, even reflexively, test you to see if you can hold your power.  Be alert for this and ensure you "pass" the test.  For example, you've traveled an hour to meet with a CEO for 60 minutes and she tells you, "Actually, I only have 10 minutes."  Your response should be, "Then I think it'd make sense to reschedule."

• Look for opportunities to disagree.  In this way, you assure the alpha of your power and your value.  Just do so graciously — and definitively.  For example, you might say, "I have a different perspective on this.  Do you want to hear what it is?"

Acting astutely in these ways, you preserve your dignity and telegraph your unshakeable belief in your value.  Your alpha audience will then believe in you, too.

Dean Herman