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How Confident, Really, Are You?

January 14, 2010 (Number 5) In my work with highly successful leaders, they often assure me they have no problems with self-confidence.  But when we look more deeply, we typically discover irrational feelings of inadequacy that are undermining them from succeeding more fully.  Could that be the case with you, too?

For example, when people suggest different approaches to you, do you really hear them?  Or do you listen with a forced politeness, just waiting for them to stop talking?  Might people be reading into your behavior a defensive snarl of, "I know what I'm doing"?

Or perhaps you are so competitive at times that the wheels almost begin to come off the cart.  Underneath your justification of, "I just like to win," might you be signaling a lack of trust in your greater abilities — and leave your colleagues wondering, "What's he trying so hard to prove?"

More broadly, might people be feeling inadequate around you?  Could it be that you're trying so hard to demonstrate your worth that they feel small — and act small — around you?

Each of these behaviors ultimately telegraphs your degree of actual self-confidence.  Do you see how you could show up more graciously — and more powerfully — if you embraced greater self-value?  Consider, then, using the following approaches to generate a very different picture:

• Be on the lookout for the irrational self-doubt operating within you.  See it and name it.  Most people are actually afraid to do so, but it's your observation of these feelings that is the first step in overcoming them.

•  Choose not to believe the distorted voice of self-doubt inside you. Instead, examine the evidence of your actual value.  Come to realize that you can be one of the most unfair judges of your abilities.

• Never let your self-doubt dictate your actions.  And know that as you push against it, its voice will likely grow louder.  Especially then, don't back off but keep moving forward.  Then watch your power grow larger — as your self-doubt grows smaller.

You need not be controlled by your irrational self-doubt.  Catch it when it emerges and ask yourself, "What would my self-doubt have me do?  And what is the truly powerful thing I can do — right now?"  Then take the necessary action.


Dean Herman