Articles

Is It Time, Finally, to Quit Your Job?

June 27, 2018 (Number 75) I spoke to a middle-aged manager the other day who seemed discontent in his job.  Feeling concerned but hopeful, I asked with a hint of optimism, "What do you want to do to improve the situation?"

He responded rather flatly, "Well, it's not that bad if I don't think about it too often."

This kind of unhappy resignation in people's careers is disturbingly common.  And, of course, it can keep them perpetually stuck in a painful limbo.  We psychologists call this state learned helplessness.  It's a major cause of depression.

Do you see at least a tiny bit of yourself here?  If so, consider these tips for taking back your career – and your power:

• First, to soberly take stock of your situation and your options, you'll need to free yourself from the emotions that so often cloud the picture.  In particular, be alert to any resentments and related blaming of yourself and others, any fears and anxieties, and your self-doubts.  This map will get you started on transforming these debilitating emotions.  My book provides more specific, step-by-step instructions. 

• Next, initiating some key conversations will be necessary.  And this will require a delicate balance between appropriate self-assertion and a sensitive humility.  Otherwise, you might be experienced as overly aggressive, "entitled," and/or disloyal – which could trigger unpleasant reactions.  An overview style of communication – what I call metacommunication – will help you adroitly navigate this territory.  For example, perhaps start with something like, "I greatly appreciate all the opportunities my job has provided me, and I want to contribute even more."

• If you really think you have to leave, wring yourself out first.  In other words, exercise to the utmost all your capacities to change the unsatisfactory situation.  After all, you have little to lose, as you are on the verge of departing anyway.  And you have much to gain – including new experiences of yourself as, for example, boldly transparent in expressing your needs and your burgeoning passion for all you aspire to accomplish.

So is it time to finally quit your job?  Perhaps not, so long as you are willing to go all out in transcending your trepidations and speaking up, in service to the contributions you want to, and need to, make.


Dean Herman, Ph.D.