Articles
Learn the Truth That Others Won't Tell You
June 14, 2012 (Number 34) I've observed that many executives' careers, and even their marriages, are not going quite as well as they'd like — and they really don't understand why. Most often, it's because their colleagues, or their spouses, are far more unhappy with them than they realize. But nobody is clearly telling them their grievances.That's why in our Power Optimization program for senior leaders, we interview a number of their coworkers in depth. Almost always, we gather information that the participant finds — to put it mildly — rather surprising. Their usual response is an exasperated, "Why didn't anyone ever tell me this?"
The answer is that people feel uncomfortable giving you information about yourself that will likely upset you. Further, voicing their dissatisfactions with you, even when they're your boss, makes them feel vulnerable. So most people just won't speak. Or they may give you feedback in a way they think is clear, but really isn't.
Are you beginning to appreciate the dilemma you're in? If so, consider these solutions:
- When asking for feedback, demonstrate extraordinary openness so that your colleagues can safely predict you'll likely get introspective, rather than defensive, upon hearing input. For example, state in a heartfelt manner that you really want to be a better leader.
- Often, people will only tell you their concerns in the most indirect of ways. So be on the lookout for the subtle messages. If your radar isn't finely tuned, you'll likely entirely miss the communication. See this article for more details.
- Ask your colleagues about what other people are saying, or feeling, about you. Quite possibly, your coworkers will find the question safe enough to inject their own views in the guise of others' opinions. This indirect communication may be intentional or, more likely, it will be a projection — that is, an expression of the common human tendency to imagine that others feel just as we do.
Dean Herman
