Articles

Might You Be Trying Too Hard?

October 13, 2010 (Number 14) In my work with executives, I've found many of them to be hounded by irrational, lifelong doubts about their own value.  On the surface, these leaders may appear very confident.  But the burning desire to "prove" themselves often pushes them to levels of intensity that preclude them from exhibiting a more powerful grace and ease.

To get to the next level of professional achievement, these leaders need to ascend to the next level of personal development.

Might you also be letting your self-doubts dictate your actions?  Your pedaling so hard in an effort to demonstrate your abilities may actually be signaling to others that your confidence is rather shaky.  That's a significant danger to you.  People take their cues from you as to your actual value.

Imagine what might happen if your efforts flowed from an inner certainty of knowing your value.  If that intrigues you, try these approaches:

• Notice how you're feeling as you do your work.  Are you enjoying yourself?  Or are you lost in a grinding tension?  If it's the latter, get curious about what's driving you.  Could it be an insecure need to buttress your sense of your value?  If so, consider making big changes in what you do — and in how you do it.

• Recognize that your feelings of inadequacy are highly irrational.  Commit to transforming them.  The chapter on false shame in my book will show you how, step by step.  It's free to download here. 

• Look out for perfectionism — that is, incremental degrees of improvement in quality that provide little benefit compared to the time and energy you invest.  Similarly, beware of undue competition driven by your "need to win."  Do you see how all these activities arise from your wanting to assure yourself and others of your worth?

When you know your value, you will have no need to prove it to others.  Instead, you will simply radiate it and then others will see it, too.  And then they will feel magnetized to you.  Waking up to your true value, you regain your freedom — and step back into the fullness of your power.


Dean Herman