Articles

The End of Your Civil War

February 9, 2016 (Number 67) Recently, an executive revealed a bit of her desperation to me.  “I can’t keep doing this job,” she exclaimed.  “It’s killing me!”  Then she changed the subject and nonchalantly proceeded to talk about her upcoming work activities.  It was as if, somehow, she’d never made the prior statement.

“Wait a minute,” I interjected.  “You just said that you can’t keep doing your job and that it’s killing you.”  It took some doing to finally bring my client’s attention back to her prior pronouncements.

This type of conversation is disturbingly common in my work.  A voice emerges from deep within and states something with remarkable urgency.  Such as, “I really need to spend more time with my family!”  Or, “I’ve got to start exercising!”  And then the speaker ignores the vital message that has just pushed itself through, however briefly, into consciousness.

When we disregard these internal alerts, we end up unintegrated and fragmented.  That naturally leads to enormous tensions, inevitable health problems and overall unhappiness.  It’s heartbreaking for me to witness — as it’s tantamount to self-destruction.

Might any of this apply to you?  If so, consider these thoughts:

• When we ignore our deeper needs, we are rejecting those parts of ourselves.  And that which we reject ultimately attacks us, causing us much pain.  Underlying these attacks, the disowned parts want to come home again and be integrated within us, and with the greater whole.  This is the way it works — whether we’re rejecting certain of our emotions, parts of our bodies, select colleagues or a segment of humanity.   Your back pain, the hidden conflict in your workplace and the international strife you read about have more in common than you realize.

• The solution is acceptance.  Accordingly, just as we must respectfully listen to our “enemies,” we must also respectfully listen to all our needs and concerns, especially when we’re already voicing them.  Consider convening a great peace conference, where all parts of yourself can finally speak and find their rightful places in your life. 

When you are integrated in this way, not only will you be happier, but your colleagues and family members will be happier, including with you.  And, naturally, when you own more of yourself, you will be more powerful.

If you feel daunted by this task of creating internal harmony, that’s understandable.  It is daunting.  But you need not do it alone.  Contact me for a free consultation.  Let’s talk about how I can support you in living a more satisfying life — and in enjoying a more fulfilling career.

Dean Herman, Ph.D.