Articles
The Grave of Your Self-Doubt
April 17, 2012 (Number 32) "I don't have a problem with self-confidence," the CEO declared as he leaned back in his oversized leather chair, folded his arms across his chest and turned his head to look at me. He seemed slightly annoyed that I'd even raised the topic.Yet, as we proceeded in our work together, this highly competitive CEO came to see that a severely critical voice was frequently intruding into his thoughts, telling him he wasn't doing enough, he wasn't successful compared to many other people and that, fundamentally, he didn't have "what it takes." He also discovered that this voice — his "inner critic" — was making him tense, irritable and, deep down, unsure of himself.
My work with countless leaders from over 30 countries has revealed similar dynamics. I've found their single greatest obstacle to typically be their unwarranted feelings of inadequacy — normally driven by some version of this inner critic.
Might you have something similar going on? If you look, you'll likely find that a critical voice attacks almost regardless of what you do. For example, if you don't work late into the night, it might say, "You're lazy! How do you expect to be successful?" And if you do work late, "You're a workaholic! What's wrong with you?"
If you're getting curious, consider these tips:
- To determine what's really happening inside, record every day for three weeks at least one attack by your inner critic. Capture its language if you can. Importantly, also record its impact each time on your behavior, emotions and/or energy level.
- Once you recognize the inner critic's toxicity, start defending yourself. When it attacks, find your strength and tell it to "Back Off!" This can be amazingly effective.
- As the inner critic begins to recede, be on the lookout for a very different, kinder and wiser internal guidance system that naturally begins to emerge.
- To learn more about liberating yourself from false shame, read Chapter 4 of my book, freely downloadable here.
Dean Herman
