Articles

The Rolling Steel Door Personality

September 9, 2015 (Number 65) I once had a memorable meeting with an executive that felt a little disheartening.  When he entered the room, I noticed his genuine warmth and immediately liked him.  But when he sat down at the table with me, he suddenly turned cold and mechanical.

It was as if a steel door had rolled down right in front of him.  Imagine the type of impenetrable steel gate used to cover storefronts in some crime-ridden, urban neighborhoods.

But as the meeting ended one hour later and he stood up to leave, the steel door rolled up again and he smiled warmly at me.  And when we shook hands goodbye, he didn't seem to want to let go.

I was slightly disoriented by such a divergent experience of one person in such a short period of time.  But mostly, I felt disappointed that I'd lost out on what could have been a more authentic and rewarding connection.

Perhaps the polarities in this case were more pronounced than usual, but might you, too, sometimes be presenting a version of yourself that is a bit too "businesslike" — and not sufficiently human?

The cost to you is that when you protect yourself behind a wall, you will naturally be less trusted — and therefore less effective.

So take a moment to reflect on these tips:

• Although you might have come to believe that a "tough" exterior signals strength, consider that it may simply telegraph guardedness.  In fact, it requires more courage to show up as open and amiable.

• Your being personable, though, doesn't prohibit you from stating your unhappy reactions to people's inadequate performance.  So asserting yourself makes you more transparent — and therefore more trustworthy.  Just do it with appropriate sensitivity.  See this prior article for details.

• In other situations, if you're being somewhat impersonal — or cranky — briefly acknowledge that fact and explain why. For example, "I'm sorry for being so distracted.  I've got a deadline at 5:00 today."  Or as a colleague once said to me, "Sorry, Dean, I'm about to blow a gasket.  It has nothing to do with you."

When you act in these ways to ensure people have a positive experience with you, you'll almost certainly garner more of their support — and therefore be more successful.

Dean Herman, Ph.D.