Articles

What's Wrong About Being Right

May 15, 2012 (Number 33) Driving up Highway 101 toward San Francisco the other day, I found myself yet again indulging in one of my favorite internal monologues.  It starts with, "If only everyone drove like me."  I'll spare you the details, but it ends with how much more expeditiously we'd all get to our destinations (so I think) if only people drove the way I believe they should.

As I paid more attention while in my reverie, I noticed an internal tension and irritability that was arising along with my judgments of many other drivers.  I wondered how this would impact my mood in the coming hours — and therefore my effectiveness.

I've found that many executives fall into the same unhappy pattern when they get convinced their views are "right" and that many of the people around them are "wrong."  Might something similar be happening for you?

For example, when feeling certain of your opinions, do you ever notice an annoyance brewing inside toward all your coworkers who "just don't get it?"  Could that be impacting how you show up?  And could your displeasure and judgments be detectable, thereby activating in others an indignant desire to oppose you?

Further, could your certainty be precluding you from discovering even better ideas and solutions?

Perhaps you're ready to consider a very different approach:

• Get curious about why your colleagues have viewpoints that are different from your own.  Deeply consider the possibilities in their thinking, emotions and needs.  Your concluding, "They're just clueless" is not sufficient — as that will only render you less effective.

• Also look deeply for your shared, underlying desires so that you can say about your opponents and feel, "We all want the same thing!"

• Ask yourself, "Am I tying my sense of my value to how right I am?"  Then ask if your colleagues who oppose you might be doing something similar.  You may find you've been creating a situation where the only possible resolution of the differences is one person feeling devalued and humiliated.  In such a case, ultimate alignment is nearly impossible.

Perhaps not all your lonely battles for what is right are, indeed, the "right" way to proceed.  When you open your mind and heart to others' viewpoints, and what underlies them, you will be far more powerful.


Dean Herman