Articles
Your Judgments Are Debilitating You
November 16, 2011 (Number 27) In my work with business leaders, I often hear them pronounce judgments about their colleagues. They may say, for example, "He's incompetent," "She has no integrity" or, "I just don't respect him."When I hear such language, I grow worried. The people these executives are condemning are frequently the very individuals upon whom they are dependent for their success. So I typically ask, "How might your opinions be affecting your conduct toward this person?" My next question is, "Could that be impacting how he responds to you?"
These leaders soon begin to see how they've been largely creating the very situations that so vex them. That's when they start coming back into their power.
Have you ever paused to notice your own judgments? You may find that you have a myriad of them passing through your mind every day. What effect might that be having on your mood — and on your relationships? Consider not just your work relations, but your familial ones as well.
If this is a little unsettling for you, you're on the right track. Contemplate, then, taking these steps:
- Make a list of the people important for your success and then write down your judgments of each of them. Do you think these individuals aren't sensing what you're feeling about them? Consider the full extent of harm your judgments may be causing you.
- Get curious about the people you're judging. Ask yourself, "What could be causing this person to act this way?" For example, if someone isn't performing as you'd like, could it be because she's feeling resentful toward you? Or inadequate? Or might she have some significant, ongoing family issues?
- Some form of anger, however subtle, is always fueling your judgments. Challenge yourself to transform it into compassion. Chapter 5 of my book shows you how. Don't be compassionate simply to be "nice"; be compassionate to be more effective.
Dean Herman
